I cracked up

The previous posts are almost too good to be real. Only for so long, the picture has changed lately.
Yesterday was the tantrum day - not her's ....Mine.
Lot of things went wrong.
1. She wanted to play color cards game, we had already done it once. No use telling her we'll return to it tomorrow. She kept shoving the cards to my face. And my patience vanished, i shouted at her, pushed her away, threatened to tear the cards off. I know, i feel like crap. Was almost cruel.
To top it off, i did tear those cards and trash them. The motive was to let her know, i do what i say. I am not a pushover....big ego at play?
(Why make threats at all? Empty or otherwise.)
2. This whole card issue ended on a wrong foot and paved way for another tantrum.
She wanted to go to Baby's house NOW....I kept telling her, i have to cook, daddy will be home soon, baby might be sleeping....to no avail. And then i finally gave in, and dropped her off at the baby's. I told her to stay there, not to come back home, for dinner or for the night.
Later, when hubby came home, he called her up and asked if he can pick her. She said, mommy told me not to come home. How can i come?
He convinced her, got her back. I was in tears, hated myself for everything. She came back, we had a tearful reunion. All was forgotten.

I lay in my bed awake and thought about the day.
reached following conclusions- Am repeating these to myself often

1. Absolutely no raised voice....A BIG NO
2. No threats.
3. She comes first, and then TV/ internet/ books. If she wants my attention, she gets it.
4. If she wants to visit the baby, let her. Don't manipulate.

As i am writing this, she is already there. Same thing today morning, i was cooking, told her would drop her after i am done cooking and she has had lunch. No, the cooking can wait, Drop me there NOW.
Took a deep breath, put off the gas, dressed her up, put on the jacket and dropped her there.
Am worried that she has not eaten. But, will let her feel that she is hungry. Why shove food in their mouths even before they feel the hunger, the growling stomach...the food will get tastier when that happens.