Conversation

Part of a conversation with an american lady...age 60...working for some security company,.....used to be a truck driver...

Location: Mcdonald's

You are from India?
Yes
Ok. You must have had an arranged marriage
mmm...No
Ah, thats surprising. You are the first Indian woman i am meeting who has not had an Arranged marriage.
Is that so? Surprising.
You know, I saw a documentary about India. Small kids are married off....8,9,10. Is that true?
Sadly, it is still a reality in remote parts of the country. But not in cities.
Ya, i heard the cities are getting Americanised?
Americanised? Modernised you mean to say? Yes they are..
And if the in-laws don't like a girl, they just beat her up?
It does happen. But the woman stands up and fights. Education is making a difference. Women's lib is catching up...or the female empowerment as they say here in US.

My daughter finished her fries by this time and started chatting up...in marathi

What language is that?
Thats Marathi
Ah, does she speak American?
American?? err. she understands, but does not speak.(me in my mind - I thought the Americans spoke English?
U plan to send her to a pre-school?
Yes, Of course
Good, they will teach her American there....Then she will teach you as well.
@#@#@#mmmm...Thanks....(Again in my mind : I was talking to u in AMERICAN all this while? Wasn't I?)

As we take her leave, the matter for this post is ready in my mind...:-)

Some weather report that!!!

Am watching NEWS....
Newsreader : Lets go over to mr.XYZ ...for weather report.....we are expecting heavy rain in the bay area for next few days...he'll give us the details...

Mr.xyz : Well, first of all, its not going to be HEAVY rain

(Newsreader's voice in the background : ) : Ok ...Substantial rain ???laughs

xyz: Not even substantial....it going to rain...thats all....

Geos on to show the satellite picture and all....showing the clouds in the sea moving on to the bay-area...gives temperatures table for next 4 days.
And concludes ; "Tomorrow 6 pm...Its going to rain...You bet!!!"


That takes my mind to the weather report back home "Heavy to very heavy rain expected in the next 48 hours"...we know how reliable even that is.

Was left wondering whether mr.xyz was displaying his Supreme confidence, expertise and self-belief....Or was it the arrogance we typically associate with Americans?

I was about to find out in less that 24 hours.

Next day morning- very sunny ..no signs of rain...Starts getting dark and cloudy by noon. By 5 it is pitch dark with cool wonds blowing....hmmm 6'o clock came and went no rain.....I smile to myself.....it was the arrogance after all....It rains at 11:30 in the night...thats still 5 and half hours too late.

Next day i see in the news that the north bay - San francisco region got rains in the evening.....Oops.....

Moral of the story - How judgemental do we get?

value for life?

Been ages since i wrote my last post....
Have been in the US for about a month. Lots of new stuff coming up every day...what with stuff like SSN, Driving license, playschool for daughter....we are just counting our dollars....
The first thing that struck me here is the value of life as against our homecountry. We are walking miles and miles together...no Car....And have never felt so safe walking. The signal system is so pedestrian friendly and even without it, am yet to come across a car driver who hasn't stopped to let us cross. We, as pedestrians feel we rule the road......in stark contrast to India. Back home, me, as a pedestrians was totally at the mercy of car drivers zooming past. So much better here.

The heavy feeling which i cannot explain is definately there. The feeling which keeps reminding me - I am away from home.... won't go so easily. There is this prosperity and the lifestyle thing with US. No doubt. But this value for life thing is so impressive. I would love to take it home with me.

The uncommon sense

April has just started and the water shortage is already in place.

Just two days back, there was a similar shortfall in the PMC supplied water. The watchman did his duty of going to every flat and saying "Peene ka pani bharke rakho"

Half an hour later, i can hear some water splashing outside. Go out only to discover that the upper floor people are washing their terrace with buckets full of precious water. I was simply dumbstruck for a moment. Do you call them ignorant or stupid? Or simply deaf? The watchman had to leave his "watching the gate" duty and go all the way to the 5th floor - just to tell them to stop.

Its was beyond making me angry. All i could do was pity their brains. Gosh...When are we going to have the 7th sense- CIVIC sense???

Dumb student- Smart teacher

Have been tutoring some 11th standard kids for German. Had 3 students and things were going smoothly until the fateful call last week. A distressed parent. Please take tuitions for my son. But. the exams are just about a month away!! I know, but teach whatever you can in the time you have. A month is too less. Please, at least teach him grammar. Could not say no

Took me 10 minutes with the student to realise that his level was even below the "Ich bin, Du bist, er/sie/es ist" ( I am, You are, he/she/it is.) Had to start right from there. How on earth is he going to write his exam next month. Agreed, he had no tuitions till date. But, he could not even pick the basics from the school teacher? Gosh. Thats dumb. Why did i ever agree to teach him? Had given away my peace of mind for a few hundred rupees.

Was telling a friend about this and she put forward a new theory. "You cannot expect to have only smart students. Smart ones can learn even from a dumb teacher. But to teach a dumb student, the teacher has to be smart" Oh, how true. Have serious work to do on my teaching skills and the attitude. Am glad i got this new student, a new challenge. Uh, did i say 'pain in the neck'? No, no. That was me 4 days back. I always said "I can tolerate ignorance, but not stupidity" Egoistic thinking that. Time to change. And my new student is going to be the catalyst(Guinea Pig?). God save him!!!

Woman's Day

I missed out an issue in my previous post about women - Maid. How could i miss such an important topic? Its not exaggeration - Maids are major catalysts in all the gossip happening around. They do the important job of adding fuel to the fire. My last maid was just one of those types, i would try my best to avoid any conversation with her. That was not all. My watch, some lipsticks etc. started disappearing. She had two young daughters who would frequently come to fill in for her. Had a doubt about them. I spoke to her directly about this (am quite notoroius for all this direct talk.) She denied it vehemently, but i was convinced she was the culprit. Decided to give her another chance inspite of it all. but eventually, the late coming, staying-absent-without-informing got to my nerves, finally i fired her.

Replaced her with a new maid. This one was the opposite of the former. She would never speak a word, work quietly and leave. No remaining absent, comparable only to the sun which never fails to rise. I did boast to my female friends at times, "what a catch of a maid i got you see".

Its been almost a year and i have not had a single problem. After a few months though, her silence started disturbing me. She would come (on time, of course) and just go about her work. The same silence which i just loved before started getting uncomfortable. There seemed a deep-rooted trouble. Was really keen on talking to her, asking her about her family, her life. Restrained myself though. Its bad manners i have been taught, probing into someone's private life.

The ice was broken today, thanks to some laddoos. My mom had given me some laddoos, a little too many in fact. I don't like sweets, hubby is rarely at home to feast on them, and daughter is too small. Gave her a few laddoos for her children, thats when she said, 'I have no children'. The rest of the story came out real fast. The gist is 'She lived in Mumbai- Masjid Bandar in a slum with her husband. Corporation had promised them a rahabilition. A house in Mankhurd. She was pregnant with her first child at the same time. Dream come true- a pretty child in arms, a new house. (i didn't know corporation gave 1 BHK flats. thought it would be just a small room, at the most 2). She was admitted to JJ hospital in Mumbai for some complications in pregnancy. A recommended C-section was blown by a trainee doctor, it seems. She lost her son. Could never have another baby. Her husband left her (he wanted a child) and moved into the corporation-given-new-house with his new wife. She moved in with her mother, thats when the Mumbai riots happened. They moved to Pune to stay with her maternal aunt and have been here since then.'

She told me the whole story without a trace of any emotion on her face. Its been many years, but a samll tint of grief flashed in her eyes when she said, 'Aaj majha mulga asta tar 15 varshacha asta' (Had I had the son, he would have been 15 years old by now) I said, its good he never saw the world. With the useless father that he had, life would have been difficult for him. As soon as i said these words, i realised how hollow they were. Should have never said it. I am myself a mother. How could i say such a cruel thing?

Anyway, i quickly changed topic and brought her to the present. She goes home by 2 in the afternoon. Has time in the evenings. I suggested she learn something- may be stitching, embroidery etc. I can pay the fees for her. She might not be able to do all this hard-work after a few years. but she can definitely sit at home at stitch to earn a living. She just smiled.

This woman's day, the above conversation has got me thinking about the plight of women in India. I read "Chicken Soup for a Woman's soul" which has short stories about women's hardships. Have also been senti over a few of them. But those stories are just nothing. The Indian woman is much stronger, faces troubles unimaginable for the westerners, and still does not come up with a "Chicken Soup" series.

Personal Trainer

Thats what is new, the workout is never going to be the same again.....huh.....My first day with a personal trainer, Prashant. More than 8 hours have passed...and my biceps, triceps, Quadraceps,...wherever they are in my body, just won't let me forget about the ordeal.... An hour it was..Or was it just half an hour? Don't know

Its so amazing how a small tweak in the regular side-squats can produce drastically different results. I am amazed. Have done them thousand times before, but never to such great effect. .. To start with, treadmill was fine, i never go below 6.5 kmph anyway, which was Prashant's order, piece of cake....i did fine. Went treading the belt at 7 kmph (see i am so good at it!) Stepper 75 steps per minute. I could do 80. Happy and smiling ..........What followed was running from machine to machine, 20 repetitions, end of every set being such a relief.... was fine, but the muscles had started protesting. And Prashant was ruthless. 20 repetitions, then hold, then pulse....(pulse in Gym terminology is doing the same repetitions fast), Started having my doubts now, whether i was right in going for a personal trainer. he seemed heartless!! All my doubts vanished soon.

Was trying my best to lift 30 Kg plates on some machine (too much, eh?) Had an odd feeling in the stomach, felt nauseatic (reminded me of first month of pregnancy), immediately reported it, and the heartless guy transformed into the softest, kindest sweetest person. ...... All he said was, "Get down, tumko chakkar aane wala hai." Well, i didn't quite think so. But was quite happy to get down from whatever machine that was. He sat me down on a bench, asked someone to get a bottle of water, someone else to Glucon-D from his bag. And within a second, i was relishing the sweet taste of Glucon-D.

We took a two minute break in which i was left wondering whether this was the same rough and tough, bald headed, all muscle, no-heart guy? The nausea, it seems was the beginning, then you start feeling dizzy and then a blackout...you don't know what hit you. "Do you know we are just 20 minutes into the workout", he did not forget to add. Hmm....

We finished the workout, though at a little slower pace. Stretching, relaxation. All done. Have been working out for quite a few years. But this was quite an experience. Didn't forget to thank him while going. He is like "Hope you feel fine now. See you tomorrow. Kal kuch khaake aana"
:-( ...............Wonder what's in store tomorrow............

party anyone?

Have been through a particular experience many times before, have started getting frustrated these days. There's a valentine party in the gym and everyone insists i have to be there. It does not interest me AT ALL. I have to give reasons (make excuses?)... A simple 'No' is never enough. I am not answerable to whys from every Tom, Dick and Harry, am I? Why cant they just respect someone's opinion, his/her disinterest. This is what is known as an emotional rape i guess. You feel like a victim. Have decided to be stright-forward hereon. (that i already am, but more.) The fact that i am writing a blog about a stupid issue is quite indicative of the pressure i feel. I should stop being pressurised and be more assertive.

And well, this is not the only case. Happens to me all the time. Am not a party-person at all. I see no sense wasting time in useless chatting and talking about the weather. Musical chair is the most idiotic game ever invented, i think. Makes no sense circling the chairs. 'Only men's' parties are different, they get together just to booze. I guess its nice to know that they are not alone...other addicted idiots exist. So, it might be a nice idea to get together and drink.

But parties are definitely not for me.

passport mayhem

My husband had taken our passports with him to office last week, for photocopies i guess. Out of the blue i asked, why did you keep the passports in office for so long? He was shell-shocked. He was sure he had got them back and given them to me. I was equally sure he had not. A frenzy followed with him searching the whole wardrobe, a real sense of urgency rarely displayed by him. As he realised that i was calm and cool, he wondered aloud, "how could you sit there like that?".

Why should i be tensed? I am in India, for God's sake. In a foreign country, this sort of a thing would have been a disaster. But i am safe and sound in my own country. I don't have to give anyone any proof of my Indianness. Even if i loose my passport, worst thing is, i cannot travel abroad. No problem .....I am happy where i am...He just could not accept the reasoning. Difference of point of view i guess.

Anyways, a small plastic bag with our passports in it, was found later on the shoe-rack. It was fortunately spared handling by my little daughter. Was absolutely reachable for her 2 feet 2 inches. Lucky booklets i must say, a week of very risky stay on the shoe-rack. They ran the risk of being used as drawing books, decorated with the new Faber Castle crayons, or being made to fly right through the wide gap in the balcony-railings...possibilities are endless. If you are wondering why i did not mention paper-boats and aeroplanes, my daughter does not have the required expertise yet. But she is learning and learning fast....

If my husband happens to read this, he'll be shocked to know what i can do to our passports in my imagination. Not that i have anything against the poor little booklet, just that my imagination knows no bounds. Like for example, i love taking snaps from the train window (i know, the train is in motion, but the camera has a set running mode). I would often wonder, what if i loose my grip and the camera falls right out of the window. I can see the scenes clearly in my mind,(there's no dolby stereo surround sound....will upgrade). I can see the poor Cannon Powershot lying helplessly on the rail tracks, only to be picked up by some local trash collectors, or crushed by a group of Buffalloes......Now don't ask me what the buffalo is doing on a railway track...trying to commit suicide? Its imagination ...don't forget....(Even with the imagination running riot, i dare not to imagine my husband's reaction)....
Funny, each time i took a snap like that, this was the first thought to cross my mind. (Don't worry, I still have my camera!!).

I know, i am not getting anywhere near the camera after this confession. Goodbye photography...:-(

Granny

Last two days have been extremely disturbing. My husband's granny expired 2 days back. Not that i was particularly close to her. Nor did i attend the last rites. She was a healthy 75 year old woman, died of a wierd disease called Pemphigus.
Was an excellent cook, made excellent pickles. Still have the mirchi ka achaar she gave me last month. She had stitched a few blankets for my daughter from her old sarees. They give the warmth no branded one can give. My daughter just loves curling up with one of the saree blankets.
As i am writing all this i realise, i never told her all this. We all took her for granted when she was there. I should have told her that she made the best mirchi achaar in the world....Also that the blankets she has given are a boon.
All of a sudden, she is not alive anymore. I want to say thanks for all little things she has done. I wish i can just talk to her for one last minute and convey all this. That makes me aware of the other (most) relations i have been taking for granted. In the more civilised world we are trained not to speak our hearts i think. Its time i untrain myself and be more vocal. Life is so uncertain, if you dont say it when its due, you might never get a chance to say it at all....What say?

Homemaker...

Thats what the 21st century housewife is called i heard. Better start saying "I am a homemaker..." The noun applies to me because i have no job, am at home 24 hours a day. Thats about it though. I would be on the last rung in the race of competitive homemakers. Reasons are many. My house is one of the messiest one around. The fact that i have a 2 year old daughter is the ace-excuse-card. I don't defend myself saying that the home looks lively due to all the mess. I don't like it myself. I am just too lazy to clean up.
I love cooking, yes. Again the laziness steps in. I buy cut vegetables from Spencer's. Cutting and sorting veggies - one of my pet-hates. sorting the methi leaves from the stem can really make me go nuts. Simply lack the patience needed. Kneading the dough is another one, not as bad as the methi thing though. Thats -2 for me on the good homemaker scale.
Third would be that i don't indulge in the women-talk. Have witnessed a few serious discussions. More for fun and entertainment, to elaborate
1. The top concern for every woman in the group is weight. Everyone, irrespective of her current figure, wants to loose weight. And everyone has theories, advises, references, examples (courtesy: Femina or Woman's Era).The apparent cause of most women being overweight - C-section and menopause, never overeating or lack of exercise.
2. Another hot-topic with the younger lot is in-laws. Whether in joint family or nuclear, women love telling there female friends how badly their in-laws have treated them. (And that their parents are next to saints)...
3. Husband obviously - he is untidy, never keeps his things in proper place, I always have to repeat things to him, does not appreciate all the hard work we put in. There is a consensus most of the time on the husband issue....
4. Children - Women love to boast about their children's academic excellence and the obvious superior intellect. eg- There was a mother of a 2 month old baby who told me her baby knows counting. How? She makes a gargling sound thrice when I say 1-2-3 ....Gosh!
5. Money: prices of dals shooting up, how one got a better deal than the other when she got palak for a rupee less. The fretting about financial crunches and the increasing cost of living, how the family is in a financial crisis as a result of 1. New home- EMI, 2. school donation 3. in-laws illness etc. (Please ignore the manicured hands & all the expensive make-up)
6. obviously the ornaments, clothes. Give a compliment on a dress and you'll get all the details about where the material was bought from, for how much, which tailor etc. You would be obviously recommended the same tailor.
7. how can i leave out gossip.... eg. xyz is not very good at cooking i think. They order pizzas everyday. I saw the pizza-hut box in her dustbin today...Poor children, how would they get all the nutrition?

Thats just a peep into the gyno-conversation. Not that i am immune to it. I get caught in the whirlwhind once in a while, that makes me more determined to avoid it next time. I prefer going for a walk with my daughter in tow. Or take her to a Garden. I have earned myself the reputaion of akdu, "thinks no end of herself" kind..... but i can live with it.... Am much happier having healthy conversations with my hubby and nothing-conversations with my daughter...

Meines schlestes Deutsch

Ich versuhe in Deutsch etwas zu schreiben. über was? Ich weisse nicht. Bitte lesen Sie die texte und korrekterien Sie meines schlestes Deutsch.
Ich bin eine Inderin und bin eine hausfrau. Ich habe viel zu sagen aber könnte nicht gut schreiben.
Ich habe eine tochterlein. Es gibt viel mit ihr zu tun. Wir spielen gern mit der Puppe. Sie isst viel Lays und Schokolade. Schokolade sind nicht gut für die Zähne. Aber Sie liebt das Scholkolade. Sie ist 2,6 jahre alt. Sie hat schwarzen Augen und schöne schwarze Haare.
Sie geht in der schule, ein Playgroup. Drei Stunde in den Morgen bin Ich frei. Ich gehe nach der Gym. Sie kommt um 12 Uhr an. Sie nimmt das mittagessen und schlaft. Dann sehe Ich fern oder lese ein Buch. Abends gehen wir oft nach supermarkt, die lebensmittel zu kaufen.
Es ist gut eine Mutter zu sein.